Women Are Cats and Men Are Dogs
Cats Vs. Dogs
What are Cats you ask??
They do what they want when they want
They leave hair everywhere
They rarely listen to what you (as a dog) have to say
They want to be left alone when you want to play
They expect to be waited on hand and foot
They can be VERY moody
They could care less if you are home or not
They are content to find a patch of sun and bask in their happiness
THEREFORE: Cats are miniature women in little fur coats
What is a Dog you ask??
They can look dumb and very lovable at the same time
When they aren’t happy, they growl
When you want to play they would love to play
They want to play when you want to be left alone
They don’t clean up the mess they leave behind
They don’t listen to you when you are in the same room but can hear you open
a bag of Doritos a block away
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then want to give you a big kiss
They can spend the entire day laying on the couch
They go right for your private parts as soon as they meet you
THEREFORE: Dogs are miniature men in little fur coats
The Biblical Origin of Our Pets
Where do Pets Come From???
It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was
discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed
light on the question, “Where do pets come from?”
And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me
everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is
difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that
will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for
you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this
new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in
spite of yourself.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his
tail.
And Adam said, “But Lord, I have already named all the animals
in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of
a name for this new animal.”
And God said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to
be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of
my own name, and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And
Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and
wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the
Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and
preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog
has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him
humility.”
And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who
will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion
will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not
always worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey
Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not
the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.
And Cat did not care one way or the other.
Canine Proverbs
Canine Proverbs
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about little puppies.”– Gene Hill
“In dog years I’m dead” — Unknown
“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” — Dave Barry
“I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.” — Penny Ward Moser
“The dog’s kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.”– Danish Proverb
“Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx.
“The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.” — Michael Friedman
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”– Aldous Huxley
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” — Robert Benchley
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” — Sue Murphy
“Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?” — Unknown
“I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.” — Unknown
“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.” — August Strindberg
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.” — Fran Lebowitz
“Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork, half cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” — Anne Tyler
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” — Rita Rudner
“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.” — Joe Weinstein
“Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.” – Unknown
“If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” — James Thurber
“You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.” — Nora Ephron
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” — Ann Landers
“Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” — Robert A. Heinlein
“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” — Dereke Bruce,
Taipei, Taiwan
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” — Ben Williams
“When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.” — Edward Abbey
“Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.” — Unknown
“Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail..” — Unknown
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” — Christopher Morley
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” — Josh Billings
“Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.” — Holbrook Jackson
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andrew A. Rooney
“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion” — Unknown
“Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” — Mark Twain
“I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.” — Abraham Lincoln
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” — Unknown
“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” — Mark Twain
“Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.” — Smiley Blanton
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.” — John Steinbeck
“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.” — Rita Rudner
“Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.” — Holbrook Jackson